i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
