i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
