I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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