Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
