You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
