Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
