Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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