I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
now i know why i became what i already was.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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