What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
