When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We just shotgunned beers for America
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
