i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
