why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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