I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
