i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
