Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
