remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
