According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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