I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
