Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
