suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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