There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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