I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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