Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
