I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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