So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
