Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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