Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
