Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
