Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
