Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize