OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
