so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
