Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
