what day is it and did you see me today?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
