you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
