you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
