you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
