saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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