I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
