i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
