Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
