Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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