There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pants are for mortals
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
