no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
