That's intense
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
