I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
