You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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