im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
