so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
