i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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