2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
mondays should just be called national damage control day
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
