I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
