i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
