I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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