so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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