The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
